WEEK IN CRAIG: Technophobia
by Amy Blair
For some strange reason people generally assume that I am a technologically savvy person. I have no idea where they get this idea from, but nothing could be farther from the truth. Case in point, I don’t actually own a computer (crazy, right?). This occasionally forces me to send my friends mass emails that say things like “I know this is a long shot, but does anyone happen to have blah blah blah saved on their hard drive from about three years ago? I can’t seem to figure out where I saved this file.” (Thanks, Kristen). I also had been using floppy discs which I would carry around with me until someone recently informed me that most people use CDs these days (or something called a memory stick, which totally baffles my mind). I’ve also heard that new computers don’t even necessarily have drives anymore for floppies. Who knew?
I don’t own an iPod, but I received an mp3 player a year and a half ago for my birthday. When I unwrapped it I had to sheepishly admit that I had no idea what it was.
Last year I got DVR along with my cable service for the first time. I of course had no idea what it was, so it was explained to me that I would no longer have to call my mom with frantic requests to record a JonBenet Ramsey documentary for me because I forgot to set my VCR (true story) and that I could rest easy at night knowing that I would never again miss another episode of American Idol. Sign me up, I panted. About eight months later while enraptured with a documentary about two female boxers, I turned to my boyfriend and sighed “wouldn’t it be awesome if you could pause live TV?” How was I to know?
Friends regularly get mad at me because I check my cell phone messages approximately once every ten days. Or worse yet, I just forget to bring the phone with me for days on end. I still play Street Fighter on my Super Nintendo. And yes, it’s true, I still listen to cassettes. (I also like 18th Century novels, drive a horse and buggy, and wear wool jumper-style undergarments. So sue me).
The moral here? Watch yourselves, craigslisters, being overly reliant on gadgets will be the death of us all (cue the creepy apocalypse music). And if you don’t believe me, check out these posts…
I'm not ashamed to admit it. I hold my iPod on the train. I put her in my pocket. Sometimes, I tape her to my warm anterior. Late at night, when we are alone, she whispers erotic provocations in my ear. I circle her white areola with my course fingertips, and she lights up. On special occasions, I make her lie face down while I tie her up with her cords. I can see my face, twisted with pre-coitus passion, reflected in her sweaty backside. I slide my headphone jack in. I pull it out. With each caress she heats up beneath me - her sensitive buttons turn red. Then I shut her off. And we sleep.
And sometimes I lather up with Astroglide and stick my dick in the VCR…you want to make something of it?
hot woman who stepped in dog shit while fingering her cell phone - m4w - 42
i would have said something but you're so good looking that i got tounge tied and could not get out the warning in time. sorry, but it is your fault, what with being so hot and all.
let's get together and we'll turn off the phones.
Despite the inherent WRONGness of trying to pick up a chick who just stepped in a pile of dog crap, does anyone else find it even more disturbing that this chick was actually FINGERING her cell phone? I really hate to go here, but I can only imagine that she must have had it set to…vibrate. (Sorry!).
Red Haired Lady front row of peoples court - 35
Who was that Classy Long Red haired Lady in Black in the front row on The People's Court Tuesday afternoon? I loved your smile and style.
This is when you say to yourself that you’ve been reading Missed Connections too much and it’s really time to step away from the craigslist, turn off your television, and, I don’t know…get a hobby or something. It’s simply not OK to post a Missed Connection for someone you saw in the audience of…The People’s Court. Be afraid, Judge Wapner, be very afraid.
Bi guy seeks younger Asian bro - 27
Looking for my chance to meet the younger brother I never had!
Tonight I was walking down 5th Ave., just past Rockefeller Center and I saw a young Korean guy making out with his girlfriend, and I was crazy jealous of her! So I thought I would find a Chinese, Vietnamese, Japanese, or Korean guy of my own to be my kid brother or more.
27 y.o. teacher and philosopher, living alone, looking for younger brother to teach the essential things in life and, in return, be inspired by his energy and zeal for life.
Good looking guy, Irish and Italian mix, 5'9", 187, footballish build, brown hair and eyes, well-endowed, and fun-loving, not into the "scene" (don't really have the stereotypical traits or interests). Just a normal guy looking to find his way in the world.
Love to talk philosophy and life, am a vocal music coach, and love all things Eastern. Speak a few languages, including being fluent in Chinese. I'm a teacher of all kinds of spiritualities, and looking for someone of above-average intelligence in my younger sibling. A brother into meditation and other insightful things would be cool.
Drop me a line, let's hang out, even just to play XBox and j/o or something.
Hey, does anybody remember Gary Glitter? If you don’t know the song Rock and Roll (Part Two) by name, you have certainly heard it played at just about every major sporting event since 1972. Gary Glitter is also serving time in a Vietnamese prison for molesting little children.
I’m not saying that this information has anything to do with the dude who just wants to jerk off and play Xbox with his little Asian bro who he found on the internet…but something is definitely a little, how shall we say? …off here.
The machines will rule us all.
