Mayor Bloomberg has ordered a mandatory evacuation of all NYC residents located in Zone A (PDF doc) by 5pm Saturday. This comes after Governor Cuomo announced that all MTA transit would be shutdown starting Saturday at noon. This flood zone includes low-lying areas like Coney Island, Manhattan Beach, and Far Rockaway.

The NY Mayor’s Office tweeted, “We’ve never done a mandatory evacuation before – and we wouldn’t be doing this now if we didn’t think this was serious.”

We know Bloomberg’s been waiting to be a weather hero ever since he did a horrible job with this winter’s snow clean up — but he, and the rest of the city needs to chill out a little. New York is always the location of every disaster movie — but this ain’t the movies. The only way Irene will be a disaster is if our politicians keeps making everyone panic.

This whole evacuation and shutdown idea is horrible. The mayor is ordering people to leave their homes while the governor simultaneously closing down mass transit. So, how exactly are people supposed to get anywhere?

According to weather experts Irene is going to be a Category 1 hurricane when it hits New York, a classification that usually doesn’t do any “significant structural damage to building structures.”

For those of you less versed in hurricane terminology, here’s a an easier way to understand the various categories:

  • Category 5 = The Hell’s Angels
  • Category 4 = An Albanian mob boss from Belmont
  • Category 3 = An up and coming rapper
  • Catagory 2 = A Murray Hill Adderall dealer
  • Category 1 = A total pussy