By now, I’m sure you have heard about what went down at the Gathering of the Juggalos this year.

No, I’m not talking about the revolting amount of calories consumed, in corn syrup alone; I’m talking about Tila Tequila getting the shit beat out of her, by misogynistic, overweight human colostomy bags.

Don’t get me wrong, I think that Tila is as talentless as the Juggalos think she is, but I’m not sure that warrants bricks and human feces being thrown at your face.

Apparently, after being on stage for mere minutes, Tila, staying true to form, took her top off. Immediately after seeing her tits, the Juggalos started throwing things, and storming the stage. Which begs the question: what was wrong with her rack? Looking at these NSFW photos of her lady bags, nothing seems to be of immediate concern. Decent size, nice shape, good nips. Perhaps they were pulling a Paula Abdul, that evening?

Whatever the case, the Juggs were not happy about the jugs, and shit hit the fan. The fan, of course, being Tila Tequila.

She was rushed off of the stage, after suffering several blows to the face, and taken to her trailer. Like stopping a speeding train, it was near impossible to stop the waddling Juggalos. They attempted to tip the trailer over, and managed to break through the majority of the windows.

Somehow the chaos died down, possibly when the soothing sounds of Shaggy 2 Dope came wafting through the air, and Tila was able to catch her breath and what little dignity she had left.

After escaping from Illinois, and going back home to LA, Tila went to the hospital where several stitches were required.

Now, as completely expected, Tila has decided to sue the Juggalos. And you know what? Good for her.

Honestly, I can’t believe that this is the first time someone is suing the organizers of this event (which I pray is ICP themselves). Known for their general waste of space, you would think that someone would have attempted to take them down before. Because of this, Tila Tequila is the hero America has been dreaming of, for so many years.

Hopefully she’s rewarded millions, and is somehow convinced that she has enough money to never sing, perform, or record another album again. They always say to quit while you’re ahead, and I can’t think of a bigger success for her than this.